by Eklavia Archer
Author's Note:No profit, no offense, just for fun and to help flesh out what tv and the military believe cannot be done. Part of a larger work in progress entitled, “Tell Me."
“Oh, come on, Carter!”
“Sir, it’s Janet.” She stood taller then cleared her throat self-consciously, “Sir.”
“I’m telling you, Carter, if you don’t /tell me/ what the hell is going on here, I swear . . . !”
“Colonel . . .” she placed her arm over his shoulders and walked him down the hall toward the commissary, “Let’s go get some pie, ok?”
He grumbled, but agreed begrudgingly. It was pie, after all.
“In fact, let’s stop by the infirmary along the way and see if Janet would like to join us.”
“Carter . . .” he voice had that warning tone again
“Colonel.” She stood firmly in front of him at ease.
“Very, sir. It is our hope you will be supportive of this . . . development. Sir.”
When they got to the infirmary, Sam saw Janet pass by the doorway. “Dr. Fraiser, would you care to join Colonel O’Neill and me for some pie in the commissary?”
“Certainly. It’d be my pleasure. Colonel, Major, after you,” she gestured for them to precede her down the hall.
“Janet, you’re not playing along with this, are you?”
“Oh, come on! You two can just stop this right now! This is not funny!” The idea of Carter and Fraiser together was a nice one. So nice in fact, if they were just fooling with him, it was most definitely not funny. Little Jack didn’t have a sense of humor. And professionally, this was a doozie of a development. He returned his attention to Sam.
“No, Sir, I agree with you, it’s not funny,” Sam said as she held the commissary door open for Fraiser and O’Neill.
“What is this, April Fool’s or something?”
“No, Sir,” Janet confirmed with a straight face.
“Colonel . . . Jack . . . why is it so hard for you to believe what we’re telling you?”
“Be-cause, Carter,” he said in an exasperated voice as though he was explaining the obvious to a 3 year old. “You are both . . . women. Hot wo . . . men.” He whispered and stumbled, not sure if he had just upset or insulted them or been overheard by other staff speaking to fellow officers in such a manner.
“Why, thank you, Sir,” Janet volunteered with a small smirk on her face. “But that, only illustrates our point.”
“It does?” he asked. “How?”
“Because, Sir,” Sam said as she stood behind Janet and hugged her, “We agree with you.”
“Oh, fer cryin’ out loud!” he said as he spun around in frustration just as Jacob and Selmac entered.
“Sam!” he stepped in and kissed her cheek.
“Hey, Dad!” she returned his kiss.
“Janet,” he said warmly as he turned to kiss her cheek and she his.
“Hello, Jack,” he said distractedly as he stared at Sam and Janet and smiled broadly with fatherly pride and approval beaming from his face. “So?”
“Hmm?” Sam asked looking at him with eyebrows raised.
“When’s the wedding?”
“Jacob! Stop it! They are pulling your leg! Come on!” O’Neill protested with frustration.
“Jack, this is for real. They love each other. They’re getting married. Rather, they got married. Now they’re having another ceremony for us . . . When, Janet?”
“Well, Sir,” she said looking at Sam. “We were thinking the beginning of July. If you’re available, that is. We definitely would like you to be there to give Sam away.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t miss it! Selmac and I are so happy for you both. What a great couple you are. Really,” he said stepping forward to hugging them again.
Jack stood nearby, his expression serious and unsmiling.
“You’ll be there, right Jack?” Jacob prompted.
“Oh, sure,” he drawled out sarcastically.
Jacob turned to look at him. “You still don’t get it, do you?”
“Get what? The largest practical joke this side of the Nox homeworld? Oh, I get it alright.”
“As a matter of fact, Sir, with your and General Hammond’s permission, we would like to contact the Nox and ask for them to officiate the ceremony on their world.”
“Carter! Cut the /crap/, will you!”
“Colonel O’Neill,” Janet said stepping right up into his face. “This is /not/ a joke and I would appreciate it /very/ much if you would stop speaking to Major Carter and me as though it were. We have tried telling you our news personally and honestly. Daniel, Teal’c and Jacob have had no problem with it. In fact, all three are happy for us and are wishing us well in our married life together. With all due respect, Sir, what is it going to take to get through to you?”
Still believing this was a massive practical joke for his so-called benefit, he decided, “OK, so if this is for real, Carter, I order you to plant a big, wet kiss on ol’ Doc Fraiser here. Tongue and all. Go ahead,” he said nodding approvingly, proud of the idea.
“Sir? Are you /sure/?” Sam asked looking around them at the empty but still very much open commissary.
“That’s an order, Carter.”
“Janet,” Sam said as she turned to face her beloved. “Are you alright with this?”
She smiled and nodded.
Their eyes met as they gently fell into one another’s arms as their lips connected. They kissed several times, each kiss deepening until Sam held Janet’s head passionately and Janet, dazed, felt she had to pull away to catch her breath. She squeezed Sam’s hand, released it and then turned to face Colonel O’Neill.
Janet cleared her throat. “Sir,” she stated as calmly as she could.
He turned on his heel and walked out. “I don’t see what the big deal is. All you had to do was tell me.”
“Yes, Sir.” Sam called after him, a respectful laughter in her tone.
His voice reached them from down the corridor, “I’ll be there, Carter. Just tell me when and I’ll be there. Congrats, Doc! Jacob’s right. You two /are/ great together.”
“Thank you very much, Sir,” Janet called out then smiled widely at Sam.